faster associated file replacement with upsert

faster associated file replacement with upsert

Rather than first deleting and then inserting, upsert lets the key
associated with a file be updated in place.

Benchmarked with 100,000 files, and an empty keys database, running
reconcileStaged. It improved from 47 seconds to 34 seconds.
So this got reconcileStaged to be as fast as scanAssociatedFiles,
or faster -- scanAssociatedFiles benchmarks at 37 seconds.

(Also checked for other users of deleteWhere that could be sped up by
upsert. There are a couple, but they are not in performance critical
code paths, eg recordExportTreeCurrent is only run once per tree
export.)

I would have liked to rename FileKeyIndex to FileKeyUnique since it is
being used as a uniqueness constraint now, not just to get an index.
But, that gets converted into part of the SQL schema, and the name
is used by the upsert, so it can't be changed.

Sponsored-by: Dartmouth College's Datalad project